Mirage

Fri, 09 Aug 2002 07:13:35 GMT

Well latly life has been tough...new things arise while others fall apart. I think im working my way up a decison that I'm not ready to make yet. Today they put me on the register I was so Angry I wanted to kill people! I'm supposed to be a door greeter but the store was busy so they made me a Cashier for the day...I hate my job. Well so far only few good things have come out of my job....I make money and ive made some new friends. Most of my firends want to quit but i dont think any of them are going to. I just hate my job when they put me on a stupid register. when im on door im happy... I like being alone in all truth...i dont like dealing with all the trash that it is this store i hate those people i really do. grr people piss me off and so dont guys!!!!! Why do guys have to be the way they are! All they have to do is be nice then us stupid girls like them i hate girls too! I listen to everyones stories and im dying inseide because i cant tell my own because everyone sees me as happy when in all truth im not.Things have happend to me in the past that cant be fixed and cant be washed away by a simple nice word or gesture...I wish i could tell my story to someone.....but there is no one to tell no one to listen and even those that would i cant tell because they know the people by face and i dont want anytthing to happen to them by me getting something off my chest.i can never get it off my chest i'll take with me for as long as i can untill i cant take it anymore and i burst out in a histerical scene somewhere. i hate my life i hate guys and i hate girls and i hate people ! i live a very secluded life

Sat, 03 Aug 2002 05:28:05 GMT

Well now all of you wonderful people that read my page can see my wonderful profile webpage Heres the address: http://hometown.aol.com/mirage6rage/myhomepage/profile.html yah i know aol sucks but its free so its not all bad and id l;ike to say...the kid in the picture is my little brother ok.

Mon, 15 Jul 2002 17:23:26 GMT

My life is ok for now...I'm working and i hate my job because my feet always hurt and i have this really bad sunburn from a concert i went to that was at singer park.Ive recently been thinking aloit about the past.....then something from the past came back and i was in alittle bit of shock but then they went away again so it ended up fine but i also wish that it didnt go away.but thats life.I still have another thing on my mind but its kinda personal and im sure non of you want to hear it so i'm gunna get going

muahahahaha here are some quotes for you (i'm still being original) :)

Mon, 01 Jul 2002 01:37:38 GMT

"With no lies, there would be no need for truth." "Belief has the word 'lie' in it...and that pretty much sums up what the world has us believing about ourselves." "Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. " "Actions lie louder than words." "Do not consider it proof just because it is written in books, for a liar who will deceive with his tongue will not hesitate to do the same with his pen." " A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others." "There are three kinds of liars...men, women, and statistics! " "I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate " "Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. " "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" "Misfortune shows those who are not really friends. " "No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence. " "Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life. " "treat others the way that you would want to be treated" "To condemn the innocent,you must first condemn yourself" "Sometimes a soul is not ready to complete its journey to the next world" "By the tounges of a thousand serpents,this time I do not lie" "Fear is my most trusted ally.We fight as one and live as one,and we will die as one" "If a creature is dumb enough to love you for leashing it,why would you follow its lead?" "Est Sularus oth Mithas" "I will do thid.Nothing in my life matters except this.No moment in my life exists except this moment.I am born in this moment,and if i fail,i will die in this moment."

some nice links for you all im sure you'll love them :) (Im still trying to be original)

Sun, 30 Jun 2002 01:54:56 GMT

http://www.thinkdink.com/pix/girls.html
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/peanutbutter.html
http://www.outspired.yo.lv/whatswrong.swf
http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/
http://www.chickssuck.com
http://myboringlife.com/yew_kicked/my_dawg.html
http://www.rotten.com

these are all the ones that i can think of for now so hope you enjoy......if youre not into the whole fucked up kinda humor i suggest you stay away from the last site i put here.

the only chain mails so far ive liked and felt good enough to save.....you know you love it.

Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:02:10 GMT

Facts of life:

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in someway.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself,probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. 15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Maybe,
God wanted us to meet the wrong people
before meeting the right one, so, that when
we finally
meet the right person, we will know how to be
grateful
for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes,
another
opens, but often times we look so long at the

closed door that we don't see the one which
has been
opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you

can sit on a porch and swing with, never say
a word,
and then walk away feeling like it was the
best
conversation you've ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don't know what we
have got
until we lose it, but it is also true that we

don't know what we have been missing until it
arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an
assurance
that they will love you back. Don't expect
love
in return; just wait for it to grow in their
heart;
but if it does not, be content it grew in
yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on
someone, an hour to like someone, and a day
to love
someone,but it takes a lifetime to forget
someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it

takes only a smile to make a dark day seem
bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss
someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your
dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you
want
to go; be what you want to be, because you
have only
one life and one chance to do all the things
you want
to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you
sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough
sorrow
to keep you human, enough hope to make you
happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you
feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the
other
person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have
the best
of everything; they just make the most of
everything that comes
along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who
hurt, those who have searched, and those who
have
tried, for only they can appreciate the
importance of
people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss
and
ends with a tear. The brightest future will
always be
based on a forgotten past, you can't go on
well
in life until you let go of your past
failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and
everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life
so that when you die, you are the one who is
smiling
and everyone around you is crying.

-----What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone ... you
had to say good-bye?
-----What would you do if every time you wanted someone ... they would
never be there?
-----What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy ... there
would be 10 moments of sadness?
-----What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow ... and you never
got to tell them how you felt?
-----What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else ... and
you could never have them?
-----Some people live and some people die.
-----But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend ...
-----That I will always be here for you when and if you need me ...
-----If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.
-----Would I be in yours?
-----If you care about the person who sent this to you then you will send
it back.
-----Please send this to all your friends...
-----You might be best friends one year,
-----Pretty good friends the next year,
-----Don't talk that often the next,
-----And don't want to talk at all the year after that.
-----So, I just wanted to say,
-----Even if I never talk to you again in my life,
-----You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,
-----I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
-----Send this to all your friends,
-----No matter how often you talk,
-----Or how close you are,
-----And send it to the person who sent it to you.
-----Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
-----And tell new friends you never will.
-----Remember, everyone needs a friend,
-----Someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
-----Just remember this e-mail
-----And take comfort in knowing What would you do if every time you fell
in love with someone ... you had to say
good-bye?
-----What would you do if every time you wanted someone ... they would
never be there?
-----What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy ... there
would be 10 moments of sadness?
-----What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow ... and you never
got to tell them how you felt?
-----What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else ... and
you could never have them
-----Some people live and some people die.
-----But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend ...
-----That I will always be here for you when and if you need me ...
-----If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.
-----Would I be in yours?
-----If you care about the person who sent this to you then you will send
it back.
-----Please send this to all your friends...
-----You might be best friends one year,
-----Pretty good friends the next year,
-----Don't talk that often the next,
-----And don't want to talk at all the year after that.
-----So, I just wanted to say,
-----Even if I never talk to you again in my life,
-----You are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,
-----I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
-----Send this to all your friends,
-----No matter how often you talk,
-----Or how close you are,
-----And send it to the person who sent it to you.
-----Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
-----And tell new friends you never will.
-----Remember, everyone needs a friend,
-----Someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
-----Just remember this e-mail
-----And take comfort in knowing
-----Somebody out there cares about you and ...always will....
-----Somebody out there cares about you and ...always will....

ohh look at that a lovely poem arent i original.....come on dont lie you know you love poems.

Fri, 28 Jun 2002 03:32:55 GMT

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Well since its a love poem i'll dedicate it to me and my boyfirend because i love him and as of yeasterday weve been together for a year and a month :) long time huh? my first relationship too isnt that cool :

Another fun thing Astrology/Horoscopes heheh

Fri, 28 Jun 2002 00:27:17 GMT

Daily Horoscope for Aries - 06/27/02

Over the next week or so, you would do well to reacquaint and reattach yourself to your sexuality, your intellect and your understanding of your innermost being. You'll have much more to offer if you're willing to spend a little more time on yourself. It seems that over the past few months you have been so involved in someone else's drama that you haven't spent nearly enough time on the plot twists of your own life. If you want to be of service to anyone else, you need to take care of yourself first.

Love match for Aries and Aquarius

When Aries and Aquarius come together in a love match, the
combination of Aquarius vision and Aries action makes them a highly
creative pair. Their relationship is anything but static; they can be
competitive, but life with these two is never dull! Zodiac Signs that are
two apart tend to have a special connection, and these are no exception.
They are great friends as they communicate really well. They have a
special understanding of one another's idealistic, enthusiastic outlook on
life. They both crave excitement and new experiences -- the wilder and
stranger, the better. They're both into thrills and showing off.
Many Aries-Aquarius relationships are based on mutual admiration. Aries
loves how unique Aquarius is, their inventive vision of the world; Aquarius
loves Aries for their energy and initiative -- Aquarius gets new ideas all
the time but sometimes finds it hard to carry them out. Since both Signs
prize independence, Aries's tendency toward possessiveness can push
Aquarius to become aloof or detached as a self-preservation tactic.
Though they have that special connection, they do see the world in very
different lights, which they both need to understand. Aries can be too
involved for Aquarius's taste, and Aquarius in turn may be too
unpredictable for Aries. As it turns out, Aquarius is the one Sign that has
Aries beat when it comes to spontaneity! As long as both partners
reassure each other that the relationship is important and secure, things
will be just fine.
Aries is ruled by the Planet Mars (Passion) and Aquarius is ruled by the
Planets Saturn (Karma) and Uranus (Rebellion). Aquarius gets its great,
progressive vision from Uranus, and its social conscience and
philanthropy from Saturn. Mars, then, can make a great addition to the
mix -- it brings passionate, direct action to all these lofty thoughts and
ideals.
Aries is a Fire Sign and Aquarius is an Air Sign. Air fuels Fire and helps
it spread; similarly, Aquarius can help Aries think up new schemes and
then realize them. Aquarius stimulates Aries intellectually, something
that most of the other Signs fail to do. Both Signs have wide-ranging
interests, so mentally active Aquarius is sure to provide physically active
Aries with plenty of fodder for new adventures and crusades.
Aries is a Cardinal Sign and Aquarius is a Fixed Sign. Aries gives
Aquarius the confidence to charge ahead rather than just sitting in the
laboratory concocting new ideas. Aquarius can help Aries stabilize and
complete projects rather than jumping into new plans without completing
the old ones. They have a lot of respect and admiration for one another,
which helps smooth any obstacles in their relationship.
What's the best aspect of the Aries-Aquarius relationship? Their ability to
achieve so much when they work together. Cardinal Fire and Fixed Air
cover all the bases. Theirs is a relationship of vision as well as practice.

ok survey time :) .... dosnt eveyone love surveys???

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 06:44:03 GMT

[[13 things you love]]
- Jeff
- my friends
- thinking nothing and everything
- driving
- sleeping
- listening to music
- relaxing
- being around people
- just being me
- reminiscing
- being alone
- laughing

[[12 things You Hate]]
- rudeness
- drugs
- Heat
- Spiders
- my family(sometimes)
- fighting
- appologizing when you've done nothing wrong
- acting happy when you're not
- parents interigateing me
- guys who look at girls as their personal waitresses
- cheating
- bad memories
- knowing I can't change somethings in the past

[[11 things you dont understand]]
- how things for me seemed to work out just as i wanted them to when i was about to give up.
- why friends grow apart
- why things are the way they are
- why my sister is dateing that asshole tom
- why people hate me for no reason
- why people judge others so quickly
- why people lie so much
- why assholes get everything they want from there rich parents
- why no one seems to listen when i talk
- Why guys whine when they dont get there way
- why guys are so persistant about things

[[10 Bands You love]]
- Tool
- NIN
- Metallica
- slipknot
- disturbed
- New Found Glory
- linkin park
- staind
- In flames
- hobastank

[[09 Things You're Looking Forward To]]
- surpriseing working (sorta)
- seeing my friends
- getting a licence
- getting a car
- college
- becoming a veterinarian
- getting out of high school
- 4th of july (i love fire works)
- another surprise camping (sorta)

[[08 Things You Wear Daily]]
- Shirt
- bra
- panties
- jeans
- sneakers/ sandels/ boots
- socks (not in the summer though)
- the necklace Jeff gave me
- all my many rings and bracelets

[[07 Things That Annoy You]]
- people trying to insult me
- people treating me like im stupid
- my hair (frizz is evil)
- people who are rude and insult others to feel better about themselves
- wating for people
- my dad
- interviews

[[06 Things You Touch Every Day]]
- my bed
- my hair
- my computer
- my hair brush
- my pets
- my face

[[05 Things You Do Every Day]]
- shower
- use computer
- eat
- sleep
- talk on the phone

[[04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With]]
- Jaime
- Geniya
- Claudia
- Sheena

[[03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over]]
- Merlin
- The dark crystal
- 13th worrior

[[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]]
- New Found Glory - the glory of love
- Hobastank - running away

[[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]]
- Jeff

Sam's

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 03:04:31 GMT

Well after all of those interviews i have the job well after my drug test and everything. im going to pass my drug test so im not worried and i start after the 4th of july. hooray note the sarcasim. Well i had to sit there for 20mins waithing for this guy to give me my interveiw then my interview only took 10mins at the most... i was kinda annopyed that i had to sit there for that long.But it wasnt that bad the guy that did the interviews was nice and only said a few short things but it wasnt that bad.well bye bye my life is so boreing so i gots nothing to say right now.

the whole first day of finals

Sat, 15 Jun 2002 03:06:28 GMT

Today was a good day. I went to school took my first final...well i finished it anyways. I hate finals personally because there boring and i dont think that prove anything...the yeachers put stuff on there that half the time youve never learned throughout the whole year.But I useualy end up passing the finals so im all set these didnt seem all that bad.So i got home at 9:30 about then slept in till 11:30...after that i made french toast for breakfast yum :) Then rght once i finished making breakfast i got a phone call asing me if i wanted to get picked up. I said yah even thoguh i hadent shpwerd today becaue i wasnt exspecting a call untill 2ish so i hadnt gotten around to it yet...since it was fianls week i wanted to get as much sleep as i could and plus who would want t get up at 5am to take a shower anyways....but then i got picked and made a pit stop to everyones favorite store...you guessed it SAM'S my future work place :(well either way after that I sat around while watching him play baulders gate not a bad game.... then after that we all tried to play gauntlet lengends but my controller didnt work so i just watched.then after a while everyone else went to some magic torniment...my borther said he was going to take me to one once but he never did i feel so unloved :( but we didnt go we hung around and we played gauntlet lengends i play as a sorceress naturally i like the game its fun but then Kim showed up god shes loud and i had a headache really bad:(so after we finished the level i went outside and well....untill it rained then we whent up stairs and did the normal things that male and female would do alone....nothing too bad though. then i took his wallet out of his pocket and told him that i robbed him and then he said that he robbed me too but of somthing of great value.*he just said he robbed me of something* But i think the thing that it was was very valuable atleast to me it was valuable.He was telling me tht he was going to hold my braclet hostage unless i brought over a game for him but i told him that i was going to get it either way i said.. "i'll fight you for it and i'll win cuz you wouldnt hurt me" and he was joking and said "thats what you'd like to think isn't it" but i did get it back because it was my grandmothers and shes dead now so its very valuable to me.it fell off in his pool and someone found it there.I'm glade i got it back :

annoying day

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 02:43:24 GMT

Today was an awful day...nothing went my way! First off for those of you who dont know me im in the vet tech program thast provided at my school and I'm planning on being a veterinarian when im out of high school. So first peropd I was stuck cleaning a piss covered rat cage The smell and the job it self was kinda gross...The cage was all sticky from the piss being half dry and i was forced to take out all of the hay by hand and wash the stupid thing....just touching the cage made my skin crawl I was compulsively washing my hands.While i was forced to do this discusting task Everyone else was allowed to play and groom this cute little lab cookerspaniel mix. I guess my teacher decided that she hated me today. Then we had an assembly which i really didnt wanna go too. everyone was so excited by it because guy paint themselves all in gold paint and do stuff it was cool the first time but i think its over done the second time. . . very unoriginal! So i was leaveing that at 12:20 when it started and then i went outside to wait for my sis because she told me that she would be there incase i needed a ride and when she wasnt there i asked a few people if they had seen her then oine of them told me tjhat she wasnt in school and then i was kinda mad because i thoguht that my original ride wasnt going to show up. I was sitting outside for 50mins waiting for a ride of any type to come for me.Then after that little things that were annoying started to happeni kept injuring myself like banging my knee and smacking into stuff because i wasnt paying attension.I got kinda angry and was really grouchy most of the day and i feel bad but im sure that everyone understands.We all have our bad days.Then there is everyone always trying to make me feel guilty for the choices that i make and the fact that i cant do something things that they want me to.WOW they actually got to me i feel guilty and i dont even know why i feel guilty but i do.But you know what can i do about it anyways the last time i exspressed the fact that i dont like people doing tjhat i got yelled at so i guess its not worth all the trouble but oh well life moves on

Sun, 09 Jun 2002 03:02:20 GMT

today was a good day besides the middle of the day when Princy ran away but they found him by the end of the day . I went swimming :) it was fun after i got over being embarassed about being in my bathing suite. I just dont like getting into a pool with alot of people around its kinda weird to me there are only a few people that im comfortable being in my bathing suite around.my bf and my imedite family.im not really comfortable around anyone else.

strange question

Sat, 08 Jun 2002 02:40:54 GMT

I was talking to my bf today on the phone and last night he asked me this strange question "I you die would you want me to move on?" I didnt answer him last night but then he brought it up tonight and had me answer the question...I knew how to answer but i just didnt want to really.I would rather him move on with his life then remain morning for me for the rest of his life.But I wouldnt want to be forgotten either.He said that he wouldnt forget me and that he would see me again when he gets to heaven where i'd be waiting for him...The only reason I wouldnt mind that he would move on is because I would be dead but in truth it would break my heart to see him with anyone else but i dont think id ever say that to him and since he doesnt read this i dont care about saying it here....The thing is that if anything did ever happen to me I would wait for him even in death if thats possible....we were joking about that thoguh he was like well it isnt like id go off and get married 5 days after you die or anything and i was yah if you did i would haunt you for the rest of your life and kick him in the ass and do mean things to him hhehehe I would too though is the funny thing. :-P But in reality if there was an after life and I went to heaven I'd watch over him and make sure he was safe and everything....pretty sappy huh oh well my thoughts you dont like it dont read it heheh :-P nights everyon

Graduation

Fri, 07 Jun 2002 22:25:51 GMT

HAHAHHA Jeff had to wear a suit and tie to Bobby's graduation to bad i didnt get a chance to see that :-P Well my dad just told me that my brother has to go to summer school before he can graduate because apparently he failed some class... he cant perticipate in graduation either :( I feel bad for him.But you know oh well hes the one who didnt pass. Well I'm not sure if my brother knows that yet or not so shhhhh.... Well as you can see im in a better then i was earlier :)

life sucks

Fri, 07 Jun 2002 20:03:09 GMT

My parents are annoying me to death...I'm sick of them always being so annoying about how long im on the phone for...my mom couldnt careless but my dad is a total ass about it.I dont understand why they cant just use there stupid cell phones for calls that there waiting for or just use there cell phone for there calls its just so annyonig that the only time that i want to use the phone I cant. Like it matters anyways they dont give a shit. They've never really seemed to care much about me as far as ive been able to tell.I'm just really pissed its pretty much either now or not at all that i get a chance to talk but i guess its not at all because my parents suck and basically i hate them!!!! Nothing is ever exceptable anyways no point in trying to do anything anymore....it seems like nothing i do is ever right in anyones eyes.... I hate it when people look down to me and im sure that everyone does. It's not like this is a one time thing that im complaining about its constant they always do this to me so oh well.Well either way its probably a good idea that im talking to anyone at this moment because right now in this moment in time i hate everyone and everything and am not in the mood to be near anyone anymore...im sure this will change very shortly but right now thats how I feel.Let me tell yah its such a nice feeling when you know everyone hates you! I'm so incredible disscusted with the way i look....I'm fat and ugly and i hate looking At my reflection in the mirror and seeing what everyone else sees. So many people have either told me flat out or subtley told me that im fat and need to lose weight...ive been called ugly more times then I'd like to remember.Like i said No one cares anyways so i dont know why i even bother writing.... if i didnt have to worry about being constantly harassed or send down to guidance id probably do what i use to do about my weight problems but starveing youself is annoying and it ends up hurting alot but the second you start eating again you start to gain like crazy i found that out real quick.....i gained 20lbs in a year :'( sometimes i just wish i would die! I dont know how anyone can stand to look at me im the most repulsive thing youd ever see.....my hair is fucked up my face is ugly i have features like a guy and im fat :( WOW today is a bad day atleast right now it is but hopefully i'll be in a better mood soon. Everyone feels like this once in a while dont deny it because you know its true.well im gunna get going i have some school work to do :( and my dad is makeing me hand in my application by monday i dont wanna work yet :( just another thing to add to my list of bad things today! well bye bye before i think of anything else

Rabbid Chahuahua

Thu, 06 Jun 2002 18:13:02 GMT

Well a few days ago I was "Pissed off" at my bf. (I wasnt really mad but I think its funny when I make him laugh histarically) He made it seem like he had a spider in his hand and just just so you know I'm arachniphobic. So I was alittle bit mad so I went at him and acted like i was going to kill him.I had an angry look on my face and pushed him down the water bed upstairs and told him that i was gonig to bite his ear off.(I was joking I would never intensionally hurt him I love him) So he started laughing histarically which I act like it makes me mad and then when I act like im getting madder he laughs more and its the funniest thing you'd ever see. He once said to me that one of the reasons that he likes me was because I make him laugh....not like a fake laugh but I can actually make him seriousely laugh.Well after alittle while he was trying to get me to stop because he was laughing so much that his stomach hurt heheheh.If you know me personally im sure you guessed by that that I didnt stop heheh. arent i mean :-P After I finally stopped he was telling me why he finds it so funny.He made the funniest face in the world and ask me if someone was coming at me with that face would I laugh....when he made that face I started laughing ehehhe. He then told me that I looked like a rabbid chahuahua I thoguht that that was funniest thing in the world. The next day we actualy had a seriouse talk.Something was bothering me so I kinda wanted to make him not do it anymore even thoguh it happend like 2 times(nothing all that bad just annoying) He told me that he wouldnt anymore. I didnt really wanna mention anything because I REALLY hate being seriouse like that and I wasnt sure how he would react to whats I wanted to say but he dragged it out of me because he was alittle bit worried because i was about to cry because of something that as running through my head from the past...I just wanted to be told everything was ok by him basically....but everything was fine he made me feel alot better talking about that stuff made me feel alot better. He also told me why he didnt want me to go to his brothers graduation....He told me that at his school he thoguht that someone might make fun of me and that he didnt want to get exspelled for kicking someones ass for it and that he didnt want me to have to deal with all the assholes of his school.But anyways who would want to be in a building from 6-11 I believe anyways....thats way to long! I feel bad for them.well either way im gunna get going now bye bye.(like the tittle of the entry i thoguht that it would be amuseing and eye catching hehehe.)

lonely

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 17:33:53 GMT

Well so far I've just been sitting around doing basicaly nothing.I was going to go swiming but then it had to rain and there is alot of thunder so no swiming for now...maybe it will get nicer out later.I'm so incredibly bored I dont even have anyone to bug. My brother went to see his gf and my sister i believe is at work my dad whent to go help my uncle on his house and its just me and my mom and my little brother here.I'm so lonely right now I'd do anything for some form of companionship. Oh well I'll have something to do tomarrow I only have to suffer through today of being lonely.Well im gunna try to find some way to amuse myself so bye

First swim of the season

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 03:43:22 GMT

Well today was a good day...I got to go swiming at my bfs house..first time swiming this year but it was fun besides the fact that my bathing suite sucks.Well it doesnt suck really just needs to be ajusted...The straps are to loose is really the only problem so it was like every 5 secs. I was pulling up my top very annoying...But other then that it was fun.I like swiming with him....for once I can pick him up and throw him so he can see how it feels when he does it to me. He's alot more fun after hes been in the pool .... well more hyper anyways I guess the clorine or something has an affect on him.I was thinking today of how much I love him...I love more then anything...its kinda hard to exsplain but im sure that if you have ever loved someone before in youre life that you know what I mean. It's like I just look at him and see the most handsomest guy I have ever seen in my life.No matter how bad of a mood I'm in he can always make me feel better...if I'm hurt he makes sure I'm ok and he always protects me if he thinks that something might hurt me.The place that I feel safest is in his arms.Tomarrow I have nothing to do I'm probably going to go swim in my pool even though my dad didnt vaccume it yet but he said that it was still swimable....My parents kinda annoy me sometimes they were like oh you can swim in it but its not clean enough for company... they dont seem to realize that no one cares what there house or pool looks like as long as they get to swim and most people's houses are messier then mine is and i know that from exspirience from some other houses ive been too but im not going to mention any names. But all in all today was fun I really do like to swim just my bathing suite needs to be ajusted....Its actually a really nice one though...its a tankini thats black with white and grey along the edges...for those of you who know me personaly arent you proud hehehe kinda weird with me almost never showing any skin wearing a tankini. I'm kinda imbarassed wearing it though because im not the skiniest person in the world but I'm trying to get over the whole self-counsiouse thing. well eitherr way im getting tied of typeing so much cuz the clorine and stuff is begining to take an effect on me so bye bye. im getting sleeeeeeppppppyyyy

Fri, 31 May 2002 17:12:49 GMT

Well today is another day...We didnt have school today because our buses got vandelized fun fun huh... If his gets tacked on at the end of the year im going to be pissed...stupid seniors we think its all there fault...you know senior prank oh well i cant do anything about it.

normal day

Thu, 30 May 2002 23:57:00 GMT

Nothing much really happend today...Just went to school sat around did nothing like usualy. I got stuck watching my little brother today Its kinda annyonig to have to every week on thursday.....my sister is home too and im stuck watching him once again.My older brother had to go to a concert which he is in.I kinda wish that i went but then again i hate mym school and i wouldnt wanna be in there any longer then i have to.I'm so glade that i have early release:) Yeasterday was better then today i thoguht that it was funny because i have yet another person aske me when the wedding between me and my bf is going to be.I just shrugged but i thoguht that it was kinda funny.everyone thinks that were going to be married and i think that that is cute:) Well i hope that we do end up getting married because i cant think of anyone else that i would ever want to other then him.....Hes the only guy that I have ever truly loved in my life.Everyone thinks that we will end up getting married and I agree with them as well. Katy talked to me today like normal i think she got over then fact that I yelled at her a few days ago. I gave my other friend a ride home today and me and her kinda help eachother out with rides so that we can get home...its not that bad we sit in the car and talk on the way home

feeling guilty

Tue, 28 May 2002 18:31:00 GMT

Today was an average day well kinda...I feel alittle bit guilty about something I did earlier.In science class we were reviewing this paper and the teacher was like ok who hasnt done anything and then Katy said in this annoying voice "well Meghan hasn't" Then she gave me this look that I cant even describe and for some reason it set me off and flipped on her. I told her i was going to punch her in the face and i swore at her a few times but it was that look and the way her voice was that set me off wanting to kill her.But now i feel really guilty about it and kinda wish that i didnt do that....I wasnt even in a bad mood or anything ..... well i guess just a sudden moos swing... I also got a happy aniversey card for my friend Jaime it was cute and it put me back into a good mood which is always a good thing.well anyways im out of here in a few mins so bye bye.

Aniversery

Mon, 27 May 2002 05:11:32 GMT

Well today is my one year aniverery with my bf.I just have a good feeling that today is going to be a good day...I'm not exspecting anything more then just to be with him.Weather he rembers or not doesnt matter just the fact that it is, is enough to make me happy.Who wouldve thoguht that I would be able to be with a guy this long.....most people thought that i was never going to have a bf ever, Now everyone is saying that me and him are going to end up married and haveing kids and all that kind of stuff. i think its just kinda funny the way things turn out...me and a group of my friends were talking once on who they thoght was going to get married first and they said that they think im going to.The way he talks about things he exspects us to get married and everything too trust me im not complaining.If i had to take a guess I think that me and him will be together and get married and all of that stuff

feeling low

Sun, 26 May 2002 08:14:14 GMT

If someone lies to me fine I dont care but if i catch them doing it it really pisses me off no matter how small the thing...If youre good enough to get the lie past me then i dont deserve to know that you lied to me but if youre caught then youre not good enough to get away with it. But my problem is that i dont know whats I should do about someone who lies to me.Right now its just something stupid but im still mad that they really think im that dumb as to not catch on to it. grrrrrr! I hate it when people under estimate me...most people think im dumber then i actualy am but then again thats whats i useualy go for.Ive used something theyve said to me once against them hhehe but thats there fault. I'm good at this kinda stuff :) I'm not saying that ive never lied in my life but atleast ive gotten away with most of it and when i get caught i either cover for it or just admit defeat.A few things that i value more then anything are Trust, Loyalty, forgiveness, careing, basicaly a code of honor so to speak. I hate people thinking that I'm less then I am...Most people think im mentaly deffeciant or that i belong locked up.I've been told constantly to go see a phyciatrist....but then again ive done alot of questionable things that im sure if i told a shrink that i would get locked up for.I feel very low at this moment....I think ive stooped to a new level of low. I guess its just my dumb insecurity and paranoia that i have accasionaly.The only reason I remain awake is because of the thoughts in my head and my conculsions to things that might or might not be true.I guess deep down i feel alittle bit betrayed. I just feel like everyone looks down to me and everyone is always talking down to me and no one understands anything about me not even those closest to me. example: I'm called lazy but when i try to help with anything im not alowed to do anything hard or extrenuiouse...and yet that makes me lazy....if you can exsplain that to me then youre better off then me. I'm basically like a hired worker I'll do anything and I'll work untill the job is done or i pass out and die from over exerrtion. sometimes i hate being female! but then again I wouldnt change myself even if i had the chance. I hate talking....well i like talking i just dont like being heard....I get yelled at for mumbleing and yet no one has ever thoguht "hmmm maybe she didnt want to be heard" I feel so alone sometimes....no one seems to understand....if i could exsplain it i would but i cant.....my family basically ignores me,Most of my firends vanish over a short amount of time,i get yelled at for things i cant controll,If someone cant do something right im useualy the one to blame for there incompetance.my family loves to talk about me behind my back,my parents only seem to care about my little brother(they have infinate patients with him and none with us) I get yelled at for shit my siblings do.I know more things then anyone should know about anything.ive been throguh more then most will in a life time during my short 16 years of life.Im happy when im home...my true home.maybe i am better off locked up away from everything...I just want someone to tell me everythings alright.I'm so tired....im not mad at anyone and im not implying anything by this but these are the things in my head at this moment. I feel so low and like I should be regreating something ive done but i cant think of anything that that could be.well either way all in all im happy alot happier then a few years ago. I hate being tired i think to much.well goodnight to all and i hope no one feels the way i do now ever in there lives

Something new

Thu, 23 May 2002 21:04:12 GMT

My mom just told me today that she's pregnant and is going to have a another baby and its due for around x-mas time.I wonder weather its going to be a boy or girl...wonderful now im a middel child i use to be the baby of the family.....i got 1 older bro 1 older sis 1 little bro and 1younger brother or sister whichever this turns out to be.